Leaving

Cloudy gray sky, silent tears and rain
Glad to be leaving years and years of pain
Sorrow rises up but my wings are spread wide
Leaving my past; good riddance, good-bye

Too many years of your guilt and your games
Finally, freedom from your put downs and blame
Relief rises up, wings spreading, flying far
Leaving you; taking back my shattered heart

Rising into sunshine; finally breaking free
Taking deep, clean breaths; it’s okay to be me
Your sick games and lies will haunt me no more
Left your shackles behind, walked out your door

I’m free, I’m done…at last, I’m forever through
Hearing the questions: “What’s wrong with you?”
And “Why can’t you ever do anything right?”
Too many tears cried into pillows at night

Sucked my thumb for years, scared in my own bed
Haunted by your condemnations deep in my head
First time I ran away from you I was only three
First desperate attempt to be free; to be me

To stay sane and relevant in spite of you
Kept running away; years of fighting for truth
Your narcissistic insanity ruled all my thoughts
Seems all I am to you…is everything I’m not

I never lived up to your expectations or dreams
There simply was no way I could please the queen
I was your punching bag; a scapegoat to abuse
I know now that who you really hate…is you

God gave me pity for you, showed me the truth
To feel good you have to crush those around you
You have to elevate yourself because you’re weak
Still, I’m disgusted by you; by the havoc you wreak

Nothing will ever satisfy the monster inside you
I’m SO over your drama and trauma; yes, I am through
I’m done being your source of narcissistic supply
It’s over, I’m gone; good riddance, good-bye

walking-out-the-door2

Walking Out The Door by Peter Normand

‘Leaving’ was written the day after I walked out of my narcissistic mother’s house for the last time; written as the plane (that was taking us from rainy Seattle back to Houston) was lifting off in the rain into the gray clouds and then breaking free into sunshine. Some of the words reflect actual imagery that I was seeing around me.

But the analogy seems to work for people who were NOT on an airplane with gray skies and rain; they feel like they have been in a storm with their narcissistic abuser so the parallel works for them too.

© 4/26/2010, JB Heston

 

 

 

 

 

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